very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
