On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
