Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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