Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
