Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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