Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
