Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
