you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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