she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
