god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
