What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We need to rekindle our bromance
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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