1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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