I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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