she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize