I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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