covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
