TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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