Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
