ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
