Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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