Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
