I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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