Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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