but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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