Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
