You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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