So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
