Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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