The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Im part way to drunk.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize