We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
