He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
