Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
