your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
