I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize