Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
