I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
