Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
