I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
