you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
