Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
