Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
