she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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