Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
