I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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