my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize