My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
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