You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
