He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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