she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
