i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
