...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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