so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize