Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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