This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
