Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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