Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize