I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
