Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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