shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
