Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
