I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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