thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
God, you're like boner-b-gone
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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