Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
