i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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