thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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