Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The struggles of a small town man whore
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize